It can be intimidating to jump into a steamy convo via text, especially if you’ve never done it before, but experts say it may be as simple as looking around you. Torrey-Payne recommends asking each other (and yourselves) what you like, how explicit you want things to get, if you want photos included, and what makes you feel most empowered and sexy. You can also set boundaries on what turns you both on, and what doesn’t. Here's How To Set Boundaries In Your Relationship. ![]() “And it should go without saying that if a sexting partner says that something isn’t comfortable or has crossed a line, that the person sending the sext should be respectful and stop or redirect in a more comfortable direction.” “Safe words can be helpful, but even having the conversation ahead of time sets the expectations and then allows for someone to put the brakes on if something feels like it crosses the line,” says AASECT-certified sex therapist and sex educator Megan Torrey-Payne, LCSW. If you know they might squirm a little at the thought of you typing out exactly where and how you want them to touch you tonight, check in with them first and foremost. How do I set boundaries before sexting?īefore you hit send, the first thing to consider is your partner’s consent and comfort level. And while it can be super hot to put those sexts into action the next time you see your partner, Howard says you can sext just to enjoy the eroticism, too. Sometimes, sexting is more about creating and teasing a fantasy, rather than achieving orgasm, says sexpert and Sweet Vibes spokesperson Tyomi Morgan. Or, you can give your partner positive affirmations or talk about a new toy you’re about to take for a spin. Think: pictures (sans face JIC), porn clips, voice notes, erotica, et cetera. Remember: “Sexting is all the things,” says Shamyra Howard, LCSW, a sexologist in Baton Rouge. Gigi Engle, ACS is a sex expert at Feeld and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. Megan Torrey-Payne, LCSW is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and sex educator. Tyomi Morgan is a sexpert and spokesperson for sexual wellness store Sweet Vibes. Shamyra Howard, LCSW is a sexologist based in Baton Rouge. Pia Holec, PsyD, is a psychotherapist and sex therapist based in Chicago.Įmily Jamea, PhD, LPC, LMFT is a sex therapist based in Houston. If you’re struggling with a prompt, Holec suggests drawing from past memories or where you like to be touched (by yourself or a partner), and setting the mood from there. Instead, use language you already use to flirt and tease your partner. “That builds to an, ‘Oh my gosh, what am I going to sound like?’”Ĭontrary to popular belief, there's no need to think up some X-rated smut if that’s not your thing. “There’s a fear sexting will be awkward, or you’ll have to create a certain environment you’re not used to,” Holec says. “So essentially, you're knocking out two birds with one stone, all with a simple text.”īut if you’ve ever sent a sext that made you blush from embarrassment or feel like you need to be a sex goddess to even partake, you may have thrown out the idea with your old flip phone. ![]() “Sexting is a great way to let your partner know that you're thinking of them (which builds emotional intimacy) and that you desire them (which enhances physical intimacy),” she explains. “We’re communicating about what we want to do to one another,” she says.įoreplay starts long before you reach the bedroom, adds Emily Jamea, PhD, LPC, LMFT, and sex therapist based in Houston. ![]() Sexting is, no doubt, an art of the 21st century.Īnd not only is it a spicy way to connect on another level with your partner, but it also boosts trust, says Pia Holec, PsyD, a psychotherapist and sex therapist based in Chicago.
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